Mp delivers the tough love.
By MP Dunleavey, from Lifetimetv.comQ. People are always asking why I'm still single. Many of them, including my guy friends, tell me that I'm attractive and have a great personality. To tell you the truth, I really don't know why I'm still single either. I've tried the dating scene and never been able to land a first, never mind a second date. Plus, I always seem to attract guys who are either immature or just plain sleazy. Got any tips?
A. Assuming that you've been flying without a co-pilot for quite some time and you're sick of it -- and that you've really explored all the dating avenues out there, from Yahoo personals to ice cream socials -- my advice is: Get some feedback. You need to find out what's going on and what you're doing wrong (if anything.) You need to find out from someone you trust.
I actually know a couple of people who did this. One guy asked some of the women he'd dated for the reasons they blew him off. (Eek, right?) A woman I knew asked the confidential opinion of her oldest friend. It takes nerves of steel, but you can learn a lot about yourself and your dating life (or lack thereof) if you're brave enough to ask.
I know what you're thinking: Why in the world should you open yourself up to someone else's colossal misjudgment of your problems? What if all you get is an earful of criticism, a crushed ego and still no dates? This is a risk. But just as a self-respecting CEO would call in a consultant when business was tanking, it's vital to confront your issues head on so you can turn the situation around. It's not about how attractive you are or how mesmerizing your personality is. I'm sure you're fabulous. But lots of fabulous people don't get dates because they are doing something weird that puts off potential partners. They might:
A) Be too aggressiveB) Be too cold or unfriendlyC) Talk on and on (and on) about themselvesD) Act too shy or reservedE) Smell.
I'm not saying you've got bad manners or b.o., but other people can often spot quirks of behavior that you might not have realized were a problem. Again, pick someone you really trust. I've relied heavily on the feedback of my good guy pals in the past because they can also get a pretty accurate read on what the opposite sex is thinking.
Friends can also help you fine-tune your romantic antenna. Go somewhere with a close friend (movie, museum, party) and have HER choose guys for you to chat up. Then pry into her reasoning. What desirable element is she picking up on that, perhaps, you're not?
For example, you mention that you often attract guys who are sleazy or immature. Why is that? Do you give the losers more of a chance because you're afraid someone decent won't give you the time of day? That might indicate that you have trouble seeing yourself as worthy of a grown-up relationship, which might be something you could work on.
Or could it be that you're not picking up on the signals of great guys who really dig you? (After all, if immature guys have any advantage, it's that they're often slobberingly obvious.)
Just don't get caught up in the old "There Must Be Something Wrong With Me" dirge. We women sing that one far too often. If there is something amiss on your end, you're more than capable of fixing it. And by seeking the counsel of those you trust, you should learn a lot about your strengths as well.
posted by M.R.Alice @ 10:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home